e-book From Fear to Love: Overcoming the Barriers to Healthy Relationships

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Some people fear the perceived loss of freedom that can come with a relationship, suggests assistant clinical professor of psychiatry Srini Pillay in the Psychology Today article, "Afraid to Love: 7 Fears And Ways to Overcome Them. Rather than feel the need to choose between cheating and denying yourself what you really want, you might choose to erect emotional barriers to keep romance at bay. Trauma from a past relationship can make a person afraid to love again, suggests clinical psychologist Seth Meyers in the Psychology Today article, "Fear of Intimacy in Men: Cause, Relationship Problems, Tips.


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Or, perhaps a parent died or walked out on your family when you were a child. This trauma makes you fear the potential of another loss. The fear of disapproval is enough to make some people avoid love altogether, suggests Pillay.

This potential disapproval doesn't necessarily come from the person you are romantically interested in, but rather from outside forces. For example, perhaps your parents disapprove of interracial couples, so you throw up emotional barriers to keep yourself in line with their standards. The same can be true for same-sex couples or for any situation in which society or someone close to you disapproves of your romantic choices.

2. HAVE REALISTIC EXPECTATIONS ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS AND ROMANCE

Some people guard themselves from intimacy out of fear of their secrets being discovered. For example, perhaps you have depressive symptoms, and you are ashamed of the condition -- or the condition itself limits your motivation to keep a relationship going, suggests Meyers. Shame is also likely to accompany other conditions such as anxiety, addictions or sexual disorders.

You might find that you erected barriers and sabotaged your own relationships to avoid embarrassment or rejection from a boyfriend or girlfriend. Mitch Reid has been a writer since After all, they did not show you what a fulfilling and healthy relationship even looks like but that can be different now. There are many examples of good, healthy relationships. Who do you know that has a positive relationship? What does it look like? How do they deal with conflict? Find those positive examples, they are out there. Learn from them and be willing to ask for help. A lack of confidence often signals insufficient insight into your own unique talents and capabilities.

Dating Tips for Finding the Right Person

Luckily, confidence is something that you can learn. By developing your intellectual mind, for example, you become more independent and better able to think for yourself.


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  8. Developing your emotional mind can undo the effect of negative past experiences that color your relationships today. Strengthening confidence makes you less fearful of being vulnerable in future relationships with others.

    You learn to trust in your own potential and open up to possibilities while at the same time setting healthy boundaries. You will seek out situations and relationships in a positive way and help you grow. Relationships are a necessary part of life, but a fulfilling relationship is one that helps you become the best version of you and allowing the other person to do the same.

    Overcoming Barriers to Setting Boundaries | NYC Therapist

    You can develop fulfilling relationships by focusing on your own contribution to that relationship. Be wary of focusing on the expectations of others and learn to be just you. Focus on what you can offer. Be the person that others can be themselves with, the kind of person that others love to spend time with.

    After all, we all want the same things, and that is simply to be accepted and valued for who we are. Skip to primary content. Skip to secondary content. Home Events Blog Message Me.